In honor of Valentine’s Day, this week’s topic is love. But here’s the thing: you can’t spread love in the world if you don’t give it to yourself first!
One of the ways we practice self-love is through our internal conversation. How we talk to ourselves is really critical because our thoughts create our feelings. We generally think it’s the other way around, but if you drill down you’ll realize that oftentimes you’ve been having particular thoughts and that how you’re feeling can be directly tied to those thoughts.
Here’s an example: when you think I just can’t get this done. I don’t know how so I can’t make it happen! it creates a particular emotional state, most likely negative. When you think I can get this done. I’m not sure how but I can get it done! it moves you into a feeling of possibility.
It can be very tough to shift our internal conversation, so the book I always recommend to clients to help them with this challenge is called What to Say When you Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D. What I like about this book is that he outlines a helpful step-by-step plan for reprogramming those mental conversations so that it becomes easier to accomplish the goals you desire.
In addition to the book, you can use these coaching tips to help you begin shifting your internal conversation:
1. Start by noticing what you say to yourself– you can’t make a change if you aren’t aware of the problem.
2. Write it down– when your thoughts are in your head, they may not seem so bad. Seeing them in black-and-white can help you gauge them objectively.
3. Notice the conversation you’re having with yourself about the situations in your life and the challenges you’re facing. Are they filled with pessimism or possibility?
4. Ask yourself this question: Is this what I want to create in my life? If it is, start saying more of it. If it’s not it’s time to change what you say when you talk to yourself.
Having a positive, supportive conversation with yourself is the biggest act of self-love you can do!
JOIN THE CONVERSATION: What’s one act of self-love you’re going to do for yourself this week? Share with us in the comments below!
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